These jokes are dedicated to all my friends at KU!
| This married couple, both K-State grads and wearing t-shirts from their alma mater, is on holiday in Pakistan. They're touring around the market place looking at the goods and such, when they pass this small sandal shop. From the inside they hear a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say "I welcome you, foreigners from Kansas in America! Come in, come in to my humble shop." So the K-State couple walks in. The Pakistani man says to them "I have some special sandals Wildcat fans are interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel." The wife after hearing this is really interested in buying the sandals, but her husband feels he really doesn't need them, being the sex god that he is. So the husband says to the Pakistani, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Pakistani replies, "Just try them on." The husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally concedes to try them on. As he does, he gets this wild look in his eyes, something his wife has not seen in many, many years: a raw sexual power, a trait many K-Staters inherently possess. In a blink of an eye, the husband rushes the Pakistani man, throws him on a table and starts tearing at the guy's pants. All the time, the Pakistani man is screaming, "Stop, stop! I've made a mistake! Those are my KU sandals!" |
| A Wildcat, a Jayhawk, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together in a train traveling through the midwest when the train enters a tunnel and the car goes completely dark. There's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, Pamela Anderson and the Wildcat are sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Jayhawk is holding his slapped face. The Jayhawk is thinking, "The Wildcat must have kissed Pamela Anderson and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead." Pamela Anderson is thinking, "The Jayhawk must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the Wildcat, and got slapped for it." And the Wildcat is thinking, "This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I'll make another kissing noise and hit that Jayhawk again." |
| Four alumni were climbing a mountain one day, and each of them were from a different Big 12 school. On the way up, each one proclaimed themselves to be the most loyal fan at their school, then began arguing about who was the most loyal of them all. They continued to argue all the way to the top. When they reached the top, the Cornhusker hurled himself off the mountain crying "This is for Big Red!" Next the Tiger followed suit, crying "This is for Ol' Mizzou!" After witnessing these selfless acts, the Wildcat proclaimed "This if for everyone!" and pushed the Jayhawk off the cliff. |
| A High School Football player is going on recruiting visits to Florida State, Nebraska, and Kansas State. At Florida State, the recruit is in Bobby Bowden's office and notices a gold phone on his desk. He asks what the gold phone is for. Bobby Bowden replies "The gold phone is the hotline to talk to God, I would let you use it, but it is very expensive, $100 a minute." When the recruit goes to Nebraska, the recruit notices a gold phone on Frank Solich's desk. The recruit asks what the phone is for. Frank replies "That is the hotline to talk to God, I would let you use it but it is very expensive, $10 a minute." When the recruit goes to Kansas State, he notices the same gold phone. Bill Snyder asks the recruit, "I bet your wondering what this gold phone is for." The recruit says "It is the hot line to God, I saw one on both Bobby Bowden and Frank Solich's desk. I can't use it because it is very expensive." Coach Snyder replies, "Well you can use mine, it's only 10 cents a minute." The recruit asks why it is so cheap and Coach Snyder replies "It's a local call." |
| A K-State Grad and a KU grad are flying behind enemy lines when their plane gets shot down. They are captured by the enemy and are granted one last wish before their execution. The KU grad says, "I would like to hear Rock, Chalk, Jayhawk, one last time." The K-State grad says "Shoot me first!!!" |
| A K-State building contractor, discussing paint schemes with a couple, asked which color they had picked for their kitchen. The lady responded with vanilla white. "No problem," the K-State grad replied as he opened the window and screamed out "GREEN SIDE UP!" The couple didn't think much of it and proceeded into the living room. The K-State grad then asked which color they had decided on for the living room and they replied with hazelnut beige. At that point the K-State grad opened the window and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The couple, worried at this point but not saying anything, followed the contractor into the master bedroom. The contractor asked the couple what color they wanted the bedroom painted and they indicated pure white was their favorite. Once again the contractor opened the window and blasted "GREEN SIDE UP!" That's when the lady spoke, "Sir, we've been in three rooms, each a different color, but you scream "green side up" after we tell you a color for the room. What gives?" "I'm sorry," the contractor said. "I should have told you before we started, I've got a couple of KU grads laying sod outside." |
| A man walks into a store and says, "I would like a blue hat, red pants, blue sweater, and white shoes." The clerk says, "Are you a Jayhawk fan?" "Yes," replies the man. "How did you guess? By the color combination?" "No," answers the clerk. "This is a hardware store." |
| Q: Why don't KU teams have ice on the sidelines?
A: Because the guy with the recipe graduated. |
| Q: What do you get when you drive by the KU campus slowly?
A: A degree. |
| Q: What do you get when you cross a groundhog with a KU football player?
A: Six more weeks of bad football. |
| Q: How do you get a KU graduate off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza. |
| A KU football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback-riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it. |